Mama Thread Thoughts

The Great Ice Cream Truck Debate

Every summer, the great ice cream truck debate breaks out in our neighborhood. It rages across the parent listservs with impassioned pleas and hurled insults.  The crux of the problem is ice cream trucks park outside the playgrounds and parks to lure children with sugary treats and at the same time fill these playgrounds with nasty emissions and loud noise from the generators necessary to run the refrigeration units.  The problem with idling trucks has actually gotten so bad in New York that laws are now in effect that limit large trucks to idling no more than 3 minutes in most areas and no more than 1 minute near schools. 

Like many things, the problem comes down to money.  These ice cream trucks are small businesses that have to hustle to earn a living, spending their days roaming the city during the peak season to make a buck.  I couldn't find exact figures, but my guess is these guys don't rake in big money.  The margin on ice cream at $3 a pop can't be huge.  They can't afford to invest in green business practices unless their customers were willing to share the burden of the expenses.  One practical mom pointed out that it might be great to say one supports green business, but in the current economy, how many people are willing to see prices go up to actually do it?  As it is, I limit my kids to ice cream once a week as a special treat; I can't imagine what it would be like to buy two ice cream cones from a truck and spend more than $10.

To be honest though, my biggest complain is the noise.  These trucks cruise the neighborhoods trolling for potential customers blasting their familiar jingle.  My local truck has amazing timing!  It always manages to arrive outside our door at precisely the moment my three year old closes his eyes for the night.  Immediately upon hearing the familiar tune, my son's eyes fly open and pleas for ice cream echo from the baby monitor.  I swear that song is one of my least favorite things about summer!

To VP or Not VP: That is the Question!

I never set out to be a stay at home mom.  In fact, in the weeks leading up to my son's birth, I told my boss repeatedly to hold a place for me because I would definitely be back.  I asked all my new friends at my pregnancy group what they were doing for childcare since daycare closed at 6pm, and I never got home before 7pm ever.  I felt like I had put in quite a few years in my chosen field and was just about ready to start being a major player (or so I liked to think).  Then Jack was born, and I was completely thrown for a loop.  He was a demanding baby:  extremely colicky with terrible acid reflux.  He never slept more than two hours at a time.  I remember turning to my husband and saying that I knew it would be hard but not this hard!  It didn't help that I was trying to work from home with no childcare.  As my maternity leave was starting to come to an end, I started looking for daycare since a nanny didn't really fit into our budget.  I repeatedly called two that I had heard about through friends and never got a single call back.  I hadn't realized that I needed to put my name on a list when I found out I was pregnant (really!).  I kept postponing my return, paralyzed by my inability to find childcare and overwhelmed by this new little person that needed me nearly every minute of every day.  Three months became six months and my office gently phased me out since they really needed someone that could be in the office and reliably show up for meetings without a screaming baby.  Suddenly I was a stay at home mom.

And nearly three years later, I don't regret it for single second.  I love being home with my kids.  I love all the little moments through out the day like when Jack picks up on a new phrase like "you never can tell, mommy!" or my daughter learns to shake her head "no" at me.  I am a total Type A personality and a big control freak.  Is it any surprise that I have pretty high standards for everything involving my children?  I used to think that delegating at work was difficult; it turns out that delegating the care of my children was impossible for me.  I dived head first into being a mom - making most of my own baby food, reading all the parenting books, dragging the kids to classes like Sign-A-Song and Gymboree, and scheduling lots of play dates to make sure they learned social skills (and as an added bonus, I got to see adults!). 

I did start to get an itch though when my first baby turned one.  I really wanted to do "something" and contribute a little bit of cash to the family budget.   I felt like I had a pretty good grip on the whole parenting thing and began thinking about opening my own part time business.  After making all those purees for Jack, I thought maybe I could make food for other people.  I found a partner in a fellow mommy friend and we began serious research.  It turned out that starting a food business can be pretty tricky because there were tons of rules by the government, all of which cost a business money.  We figured out that starting a business would be a full time job to make even a smidgen of money so we shelved the idea.  And then I got pregnant.  Being pregnant with a toddler was exhausting.  Between morning sickness and three pre-term labor scares, I pretty much gave up on any idea of going back to work. 

Now my daughter is nearing one, and I am starting to get that itch again.  I am getting a little more sleep (knock on wood), and I have a pretty fair handle on being a mom to two active kids.  I want to use my brain.  I want to make a little money.  I am conflicted, though.  Am I just being selfish?  The kids are still quite young.  We have made all the necessary cuts in our budget so we can do without my salary; I am not saying that extra money wouldn't be nice, but we have learned to do without.  It really comes down to me just wanting some time to myself and to feel like an adult in the real world again.  My life has shrunk down to my two kids and about a 15 block radius.  I want a lunch break and time to surf the web with no one shrieking at me that they need their favorite song played in iTunes right now!  I want a train ride where I can read my book for 30 minutes (each way!) every day of the week.  I know that is definitely a case of the grass is always greener.  My working friends tell me how hard it is to get everything done and how the life balance thing is crazy hard.

The other problem is I have no clue what I want to be anymore.  I know I don't want to work full time again; the hours in New York can be crazy long.  I also know that being a mom has made me reorder my priorities in a huge way from when I was climbing the corporate ladder; right now, I am not prepared to put my job first the way I did when I was young and single.  Also, in this terrible economy, I worry that there aren't any jobs to be had.  Finally, I have this insane fear that in just a few short years, both kids are going to be in school, and I am going to be left sitting on our couch watching The Today Show counting the minutes until they get home because I have no identity for myself beyond "mommy." 

I know this is one of those question for the ages for all stay at home moms.  I also have the luxury of time.  No one is pounding down my door with job offers or giving me a store front on the cute little commercial street in our neighborhood.  I am going to declare a goal though for all the world to nudge me on when I get bogged down.  I want to have a plan of action by the end of this first quarter....even if that plan is to stay home for another year.

The Economy & The Mass Exodus

New York has always had an ebb and flow of people.  All kinds of people flock to the city each day, and everyday a few decide they just can't take it anymore.  In the past ten years, it seemed like the tide was rising.  I moved here in the late 1990s when jobs were plentiful, and the New York economy was on the way up.  Friends that had gotten here before me liked to tell stories of how crazy it had been in the past: squatters in Tompkins Square Park, porn in Times Square, crime on the subways.  However, I arrived in the halcyon days when New York was a playground for young twenty somethings looking for a good time.  With movies in Bryant Park on picnic blankets with wine & cheese, and cool bars on the Lower East Side with hookahs and cocktails, the options for fun were endless. You had to have some street smarts (i.e. don't fall asleep on the subway after a night out), but in general, it was a great place for a young woman from the Midwest to sand off her rough edges.  

In the past, families used to flee New York not too long after the first child was born.  Conventional wisdom had parents buying houses in the suburbs where schools were better and playgrounds were cleaner.  Then as the economy boomed and the city remade itself into a child-friendly place, people started to stay.  I can recall Jon Stewart buying a Phil & Ted stroller before anyone had even heard of this crazy new double stroller that allowed you to stack your children.  Then they started popping up on the sidewalks with alarming frequency as families stayed past the first baby, into the preschool years and onto the second sibling.   In the last few years, it seems like Brooklyn has been overrun by strollers and children.  In fact, this trend had the borough nearly bursting at the seams as brownstone prices skyrocketed and morning preschool slots became the holy grail.  

However, I have noticed a disturbing trend recently.  The flow seems to have reversed itself, and more people seem to be leaving.  At first, it just seemed like talk -- even I have talked about leaving the city one day!  Then, one friend decided to just "look" at houses in New Jersey and ended up buying one that very weekend.  Next, a mommy friend from my son's preschool found that she and her family were spending more and more time at their upstate weekend house than in their city apartment and decided to make their second home their permanent residence. Then, a woman in the library mentioned she was looking for a new apartment, and after looking at more than thirty places found that almost all the current tenants were relocating out of the city.  Finally, almost every single day there is a post on my local parenting board about a family trying to find work for their nanny because they are leaving the city -- usually due to a lost job.  With CNN headlines scaring us with daily updates on job cuts and the continued downward plunge of the stock market, everyone seems to be making a break for it.  

It's totally understandable.  Most families I know have two kids sharing a bedroom which leads to all sorts of challenges that suburban families never consider - like where your toddler will sleep when you sleep train the baby.  We pay insane amounts of money for incredibly small living spaces just so we can enjoy the perks of urban living (like trips to Shea Stadium (R.I.P.) or the American Museum of Natural History).  The economic downturn is tipping the scale though.  Lost jobs can quickly make an expensive city an unnecessary luxury.  The lure of lower living costs becomes a siren's call.  The little perks are wiped away in the face of a potential upswing in crime.

What does this mean for us?  The easy answer is less competition for preschool and pre-k.  Really though it means learning how to say goodbye to friends that have been my lifeline in the crazy fun mess of parenthood.    It means my children will learn about the heartbreak of missing friends they have known since birth. I also find myself wondering if we will we join the exodus?  Sadly, the flip side to the fun game of what would we do if we won the lottery is what would we do if my husband lost his job.  Where would we go?  What about our house?  Can I really survive in a place where the playground, grocery store, coffee shop and bodega aren't all within a three block walk of my house?  I grow more and more concerned that in the current economy we may all get washed out with the tide.

However, I have noticed a disturbing trend recently.  The flow seems to have reversed itself, and more people seem to be leaving.  At first, it just seemed like talk -- even I have talked about leaving the city one day!  Then, one friend decided to just "look" at houses in New Jersey and ended up buying one that very weekend.  Next, a mommy friend from my son's preschool found that she and her family were spending more and more time at their upstate weekend house than in their city apartment and decided to make their second home their permanent residence. Then, a woman in the library mentioned she was looking for a new apartment, and after looking at more than thirty places found that almost all the current tenants were relocating out of the city.  Finally, almost every single day there is a post on my local parenting board about a family trying to find work for their nanny because they are leaving the city -- usually due to a lost job.  With CNN headlines scaring us with daily updates on job cuts and the continued downward plunge of the stock market, everyone seems to be making a break for it.  

It's totally understandable.  Most families I know have two kids sharing a bedroom which leads to all sorts of challenges that suburban families never consider - like where your toddler will sleep when you sleep train the baby.  We pay insane amounts of money for incredibly small living spaces just so we can enjoy the perks of urban living (like trips to Shea Stadium (R.I.P.) or the American Museum of Natural History).  The economic downturn is tipping the scale though.  Lost jobs can quickly make an expensive city an unnecessary luxury.  The lure of lower living costs becomes a siren's call.  The little perks are wiped away in the face of a potential upswing in crime.

What does this mean for us?  The easy answer is less competition for preschool and pre-k.  Really though it means learning how to say goodbye to friends that have been my lifeline in the crazy fun mess of parenthood.    It means my children will learn about the heartbreak of missing friends they have known since birth. I also find myself wondering if we will we join the exodus?  Sadly, the flip side to the fun game of what would we do if we won the lottery is what would we do if my husband lost his job.  Where would we go?  What about our house?  Can I really survive in a place where the playground, grocery store, coffee shop and bodega aren't all within a three block walk of my house?  I grow more and more concerned that in the current economy we may all get washed out with the tide.

Early Potty Training

My daughter is just days away from turning 17 months.  Almost from birth, she's been trying to catch up with her older brother who is just 23 months older.  She crawled at 6 months (before she could sit up!) so she could follow him around.  She watches everything he does with great intensity and does her very best to follow along. 

Not too long after her first birthday, she became very interested in watching him use the potty.  In fact, she watched all of us quite intently when ever we used the toilet (thanks to our NY apartment - our only bathroom is right off the kitchen and easily available for show & tell - sigh).  Along with this interest came a strong hatred for her diapers.  She constantly tugs at them, pulling them down for a low-rider look.  It made me think - could I potty train this early?  The idea of a diaper-free household was very alluring!

My son potty trained at 2.5 after nearly a year of having the Bjorn potty around the house and many sessions of trying it out and reading books together.  Once we finally went for it, it was an easy process that he seemed to catch onto almost immediately - within a week or so, he was both day and night trained and entirely diaper-free.  My husband dedicated many hours to the prep work, but our son really deserves all the credit for figuring out the exact details so quickly! 

Not too long after I began to wonder if my daughter might be ready, I had an interesting conversation with a waitress in Las Vegas that was very pivotal in my head.  She said she had trained both her daughters by 18 months with a minimum of fuss - purely to save the money on diapers and wipes.  Could my daughter and I pull this off?  I went home and bought her a pink potty and set to work laying the foundation. 

In reality, my young daughter doesn't have much patience for sitting still very long, but she is consistently willing to try out the potty for 30 seconds or see at a time.  I have been aiming to have her sit every time either my son or I use the toilet.  One time we got lucky and she peed but that's it so far.  I know that I need to go for more naked time, but I stress about accidents on the furniture and carpet.  Not having to change a dirty diaper though is a huge incentive for me! 

I don't want to cause my daughter any future harm that would require intensive therapy, but I think a lot of potty training is just the parents' willingness to deal with the requisite accidents for a few days while the child figures out the mechanics.  I stress a bit because most of the current parenting theories seem to suggest that it's better to go with the child-led method.  My theory might not be for everyone, but my little girl is wildly independant, and I am trying not to stand in her way!

Motherhood's Best Kept Secret

This might be "Too Much Information," but I am going to plunge ahead anyway: I got an IUD!  Normally, I am not one to overshare (I hope!) but this seems to be one of the best kept secrets of motherhood.  I think this is going to be life changing for me.  Let me share a bit of history with you: both my children were pleasant surprises.  I consider myself a smart, savvy women, but somehow, despite a minor in Women's Studies and reading tons of information on birth control methods during my younger years, two things took me by surprise.

Myth #1: Birth control pills take awhile to leave your system.  

I thought after being on the pill for 5+ years that my body would need a little time to get over all those extra hormones in order to get pregnant.  My husband and I got married in November 2004, and the following summer, I decided to go off the pill with hopes of getting pregnant the following year.  I thought a little detox time would ensure that we would have an easy time.  I was very concerned that conceiving would be hard for me after ovarian cyst problems I had in my twenties.  I couldn't have been more wrong: we got pregnant the next month - surprise!

Myth #2: Family planning is simple for college educated adults.

After our first surprise pregnancy, I thought that I could control my fertility using the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler.  I ordered it off Amazon and started reading the first chapter.  It was very interesting and informative.  I didn't consider myself an authority on the subject after the first chapter,  but I thought I had the general gist.  During a stolen moment when my husband asked me if we were "safe," I answered with a reassuring "definitely!"    I swear I always did really well on reading comprehension tests in school, but everyone knows that pride comes before a fall.  Some kind of crazy mommy brain moment and extreme hubris must have made me think that reading one chapter of a book about fertility and then conveniently storing it under my bed would make me enough of an expert to determine exactly how safe we were being in the heat of the moment.  That's how I got pregnant with our second baby, and our children are just 23 months apart.

As you can see, I clearly struggle with birth control.  I can't imagine what life must have been like before any reliable method of birth control was invented, but I am incredibly grateful to the researchers and scientists that devoted their time to this endeavor.  My husband and I agreed from the beginning that we wanted two children.  I realized during my second pregnancy that this was going to take some serious work on our part or we were going to end up with our own basketball team at the rate we were going.  I talked to my husband about a vasectomy but even the mention of the word seemed to make him pale.  I talked to my OB about a tubal ligation during my c-section, but he told me I was too young (mind you, I am 33).  He said I might change my mind, and somehow, in my crazy pregnancy hormone state, I thought he might be right and decided it was too extreme.  Almost immediately upon giving birth, I realized I never, never, never wanted to go through the tiny infant/no sleep for mommy stage again.  I really was happy with two kids.  I also knew from experience that my next pregnancy could be just around the corner if we weren't careful.  

I remembered from earlier research all about the usual options, but none of them seemed like great ones for us.  I didn't love the hormones and related side effects of some of the options, and other choices involved more work and consistency than I was willing to commit to in my sleep-deprived state.  Then I heard whispers on the playground about IUD's: they were easy, they had few side effects, female OB/GYN's always got them.  In my few spare moments, I did some googling and got some basic information that sounded okay but somewhat scary.  Despite two c-sections, I am a bit chicken about pain.  After weeks of vacillating, I finally scheduled the appointment with my doctor.  I emailed my husband an article with full details on the procedure so he would understand the enormity of what I was about to do for him, me and us as a couple.  Then I popped a leftover pain pill from my c-section and off I went.  

It wasn't so bad.  The whole insertion took only a few minutes.  I had a little bit of cramping over the next few days, but it was tolerable with a little bit of Advil.  My next two periods were much heavier than usual but that seems to be slowing down.  This is not to say it's the perfect answer for everyone.  I have heard two stories that give me pause.  One woman had a perforated uterus that sent her to emergency surgery (not something I want to consider as a SAHM with two small children) and another woman that got pregnant anyway (something else I don't even want to contemplate as my second baby still isn't consistently sleeping through the night!). It also makes me a teensy bit annoyed that there aren't more birth control options for men, but that is another post.   All things considered, this has been the perfect answer for us.  I feel a little bit like a kid with a new toy!  Part of my brain feels like it can finally relax and not worry that somewhere, nine months down the road, another little surprise won't be popping into our lives.

The Dark Side of Mommyhood

Recently, I bumped into a mommy acquaintance on the street in my NYC neighborhood. I asked how she was doing, and she let loose with a story that brought me up short.  Her son recently started school, and she was feeling blue.  Beyond blue.  She sounded seriously depressed.  I tried to listen as we talked on the busy street corner but finally had to move on with my complaining kids.  Through that night and the next day I worried for her and thought a lot about this problem of motherhood that is frequently missed.  A lot of attention gets paid to postpartum depression, but I think a somewhat overlooked problem is the kids-starting-school syndrome.  I can only speak as a stay at home mom but I know I put most of who I am into raising my kids.  I don’t work outside the home anymore, and I barely have time for hobbies.  I do make time for myself and for my husband, but much of my identity is tied up in my kids because it has to be.  When my daughter starts school in another two years, I will have been out of the workforce and general circulation for nearly six years. 

I ran into my old boss on the street last week.  She was coifed to the n’th degree with beautiful, shiny blond hair and perfectly styled dress while I had my daughter on my back in the Ergo, loaded down with a diaper bag and cooler for lunch after an urban hike that included a rush hour subway trip and a mile of walking the cross town avenues to get to a class at Chelsea Piers.  Disheveled and sweaty would be putting it nicely.  She was very friendly, but it was such a clash of worlds for me.  I was outfitted in full mommy regalia and had a huge gush of emotion for the old me.  She runs a successful small business, lunches with powerful people and oversees millions of dollars in business.  I made my choices, and I really am happy with them overall, but it was uncomfortable to run smack into my alternative reality: could that have been me if I made different choices?

My mother-in-law has talked about how she had a tough time when her kids started elementary school.  Over playdates, some of the mommies discuss ways of trying to keep hold of something for themselves either by volunteering or taking classes so that when the kids go back to school they still remember who they are.  For me raising good kids means put all of my energy into parenting.  The needs of kids are huge…but they naturally dwindle over time which can frequently take a mommy by surprise.  Also, all those hormones and impulses that make us good mommies set up us up for a serious emotional crisis as our kids begin the process of separation as early as kindergarten.  As for me, I am hoping to take this an early warning alarm and see where else my choices can take me in my two remaining years.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Lately I have been struggling with the idea of whether we should leave or stay in New York City.  Nearly everyday I change my mind. In fact, when I started this post I was positive moving was the way to go, but now that I am finishing this post, New York has worked it's magic on me again and I lean toward staying.  I have spent my whole adult life here.  I moved to the city just days after graduating from college and finally felt that I had found my ideal home.  I enjoyed the pace (frantic), the people (diverse), and the lifestyle (so much to do, so little time).  It seemed to fulfill my every need and whim. 

Now, with two kids, things are getting a little tougher.  Just leaving the house in the morning can be an endeavor that leaves my back aching for the rest of the day (getting two squirming kids buckled into the Phil & Ted and out the 27" wide door, around a tight corner, and up two stairs).  However, I am a person that needs to leave my house at least once a day and see people so the idea of entertaining the three of us inside all day gives me the shivers. So I'm looking at the pros and cons.

For staying:

Pro:  We have a great set of friends in New York.
Con:  I only really ever get to see the people who live in walking distance of me.
I love the friends we have here.  After college, I think the friends you make are the ones you really choose.  They are no longer the children of your parent's friends or the neighbors that grew up next door to you.  I have both old friends that I made the first year I moved here (like the two amazing women that started at the same time as assistants with me at my first theater job) and new friends from our neighborhood (like the great stay at home mothers that will set up play dates any old time so we all stay sane).  On the opposite side though, I only get a night out once a month on average so I don't see my old friends all that often.  Friends that live in the city (versus Brooklyn) are basically out of reach since they are a subway ride and about 45 minutes away...and I only have about 2.5 hrs in the afternoon.  I do have confidence in my friend making abilities - somehow having kids has given me carte blanche to approach other potential mommies and strike up a conversation.  If we were to leave the city, we could keep in touch with our current friends (giving us many excuses to come back for visits) and make some new friends.

Pro: The opportunities the city provides our kids are incredible.
Con: We will be so strapped for cash that a lot of the extras are going to be out of reach.
I have always appreciated that New York really has the best of the best for many things.  The best art museum, the best zoo, the best classes, the best music, the best restaurants - the list seems truly endless.  The sheer number of different cultures here means the kids will be exposed to so many different people that the world will be more open for them.  It's seems basic but their choices won't really ever be limited except by our or their imaginations.  But...it will be limited by money.  New York makes you want everything - the latest styles in clothing, the nicest car, the newest iPhone.  Maybe that's true everywhere but I don't remember it from my childhood as much - we just weren't exposed to as much in Iowa.  While cultural exposure can be amazing, I could do with out the commercial exposure aka "greed."  We won't ever have the kind of money that can make New York truly comfortable.  We won't be able to afford private schools or super expensive lessons or the memberships to all the institutions.

Pro: My husband loves his job here.
Con: We have been pushed into the traditional child raising stereotype where the dad works and the mom stays home.
My husband got a great job that he loves with a good group of people.  It's interesting, pays decently and has some of the most family friendly hours of anyone we know.  I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth but I sometimes wish that we could split the childrearing a bit more evenly.  I would love to work on my own career a bit but I am not willing to put the kids in childcare.  On the practical side, I probably can't make enough to justify care for both of them due to the high prices in our neighborhood (hovering around $20/hr!).

For leaving:

Pro: We could have a house three or four times larger than the one we have now.
Con: Can we really sell our house here in the current economic market?
I suffer from house envy every time I step outside the city.  I torture myself by visiting open houses.  My mind frequently returns to the amazing four bedroom home with central vacuum, central air, a living room, family room and a massive basement - with a second entertaining kitchen -- all for $500K that I saw over the summer when I was visiting my parents in Sioux Falls.  Our house now is lovely and charming, and I feel incredibly lucky to live here....but it doesn't have a single closet.  Not one.  We have one bathroom situated in the kitchen, miles from my son's bedroom in the middle of the night when he has to pee.  All the toys must live in our living room which is about 18 ft by 20ft.  In New York, I do believe we have it as good as it gets (unless we win the lottery) but I would really like some space for all of us.  My biggest concern though is that we might not be able to get our money back out of the house.  I think if we sit on the house for five to ten years we will be fine but in this current market I am worried we wouldn't even breakeven if we sold now.

Pro: We would lead a slower lifestyle.
Con:  I used to love the city for it's pace. Would I be driven crazy by a slower life?
I honestly am not sure what a slower pace would be like.  I try to imagine it: more time as a family, serenity and calm filling our days -- but I am skeptical.  Would it really be like that - isn't life with kids pretty hectic for everyone?  Don't everyone's days and weeks fly by with amazing speed, jam packed with activities?  Also, a niggling doubt in the back of my head asks if I really could slow down?  This week I launched a home improvement attack that has me clearing out the junk and repainting walls in between trips to the park, playdates and preschool.  I rarely take a moment to sit down and take a deep breath - I am just not programmed that way.  I am not sure leaving New York is the answer for me - it might really take like a 12 step program.

Pro: We could be closer to family.
Con: We would probably be leaving some family behind.
I wish every single day since my kids were born that we were closer to either set of grandparents.  My parents live in Iowa and my husband's live in Las Vegas.  We are lucky that we get to see both sets at least two times each year, but it's not enough.  I want the grandparents to be an integral part of my kids' lives.  I grew up far from my grandparents and have always wished it has been otherwise.  I don't want that for my kids.  Grandparents provide something important that is impossible to replace with friends or extra hugs.  Not to mention the free babysitting...just kidding!!!

I am torn.  New York has been nice to me this last week.  My days are hectic but the fall weather has been incredible.  The playgrounds are nicely filled with playmates and friends.  The bakery has these perfect little cookies.  I am really looking forward to the local parade for Halloween and trick or treating up and down the stoops of our little neighborhood.  I know though that winter is coming (and it's suppose to be a cold one!).  I will be dragging my stroller through drifts to get to preschool and envying the moms in my head that are driving to preschools with parking lots somewhere in that magical place with affordable housing and more space outside of New York.  With any big decision, there are many gains and many losses.  I will continue to think on this one as I sit here on the fence.

School System Nightmares!

The New York City school system is giving me nightmares, and my kids aren't even in school yet! I am a year out from applying to the pre-kindergarten system, but it already has me stressed out.  I have actually woken up in a sweat and jumped out of bed before the kids woke up to search the internet for information and ideas about the whole process. 

Like so many things in New York City, the school system is incredibly hard to navigate.  Applying to pre-k involves an online application and a convoluted system of priorities and lotteries to determine if our children can go to public school preschool when they are four (and therefore save our family thousands of dollars).  Of course, the decision for whether my child actually wins a seat comes well after deposits and first payments are due at private preschools so we can pretty much bet that we will lose a couple of thousand dollars even if we do get accepted to "free" public school. 

Next, getting accepted to pre-K does not guarantee we are accepted for a slot at that school's kindergarten so the process starts all over again except this time we have to apply in person at each kindergarten we  would like our kids to attend.  There are no guarantees we will get a slot at our zoned school so we must apply to multiple programs.  Apparently making friends with principals can go a long way, and I have heard that visiting our top school choice everyday can help get us a spot.  WHAT??  I barely have time to get everything done during my days as it is, and I have to add to it getting my child into school?!?!  Just as an added twist, New York City has a gifted and talented programs where we can take our four year old to a psychologist to get tested to determine if he can get into a special programs and schools based on the one day test.  Sigh.

This covers elementary school but then there are middle school and high school applications!  Each step of the way more research and sidwalk pounding and stress is required!  It's like an extreme sport.  To top it all off,  when I started my manic research project, I discovered that the best schools in my neighborhood don't even get that high of ratings on the national education site greatschools.net.  I recently looked into my crystal ball and saw a lifetime of fighting with school administrations stretching out ahead of me to ensure my kids get into good schools and have good teachers.  I put up with a lot of things to live in this city that I love but I am starting to wonder if the school system might have me beat.  I am not sure I can bear to deal with this crazy process!

An Adventure in Baby Food Land: Starting My Own Co-op

I am going to come right out and say it: I like to cook.  I am not some awesome chef that had fancy training.  In fact, my only formal cooking education came from wedding shower where we got a cooking lesson and then got to eat the results.  My mom always cooked when I was young - probably because we lived on a farm and the nearest restaurants didn't provide much variety, but also because we were a thrifty family.  When my son was born, I was a neurotic mess most of the time.  I decided that anything that passed his lips had to be organic if it wasn't breast milk (current me frequently snickers at old one-child me).  I took a look at the baby food that came in jars and cringed.  I had never been big on canned foods myself and thought I could do better on my own.  Someone had given me a used copy of Super Baby Foods before my son was born so I dug it up and started reading.  I started experimenting and buying more books.  It turned out to be fun!  When my daughter came a long eight months ago, I thought about making baby food but was completely overwhelmed by the addition of a second child to my life.  However, the closer she got to six months everything got a bit easier, and somehow making food seemed possible.  I jumped back into my old baby food making ways, but after three or so recipes, I realized that I was not going to have time to make enough food myself to get a real variety in her diet.  Then it dawned on me -- babysitting co-ops have gotten pretty popular - what about a baby food co-op?  I put a post up on the local parenting board trying to find a few people to join me.  We do our second swap tomorrow and so far, it's been really amazing!  In fact, I haven't had to use jarred food once in the last month! 

So why did I start my own baby food making coop when it comes in handy little jars at the grocery store? 

Reason #1: Big Money Saver!
In the current economy, a little Midwestern thriftiness can go a long ways!  Just like eating at home has saved us a ton of money, making most of my own food has made a big difference in our grocery budget.  Today, I made a butternut squash + lentils + potatoes + carrotts + leeks puree.  If I buy the ingredients from Fresh Direct (definitely not the cheapest place to buy groceries!), it comes out to about $.40 per 4 oz serving.  Earth's Best 4 oz jars are $.79 at Fresh Direct - and this is about a million times better since I know what goes into every bite.

Reason #2: Big Time Saver!
For my part of the food exchange, I  put in about 1.5 hrs of time in cooking, pureeing and freezing my two recipes.  After our swap, I will have eight different things which should last me about three weeks if Maddy eats the food at every single meal.  All I have to do at each meal is pull out two or so purees and she's got a healthy meal that only takes me a minute or so to defrost in the microwave.

Reason #3: A Wide Variety of Textures & Tastes!
This may not be super important to everyone, but I really want my kids to like food.  I love to eat.  It's a highlight for me every day.  Just like I want to develop their love of music or the outdoors, I want my kids to enjoy eating.  It's really a simple pleasure that can last your whole life!  I think developing a taste for different foods and textures early on can at least help combat some of the toddler pickiness that comes later.

As with making any co-op work, we definitely learned a few lessons along the way.  Some things that were key for us: 

Finding other parents with kids at similar eating stages: I started my son on solid foods at four months on the recommendation of our pediatrician to try to help with his reflux.  We started my daughter at five months because she was grabbing food off our plates and stuffing it into her mouth.  Generally, babies start eating between four to six months and progress through trying new foods and textures until they are full weaned onto solids.  Through an email on our local parenting board, I found three other moms whose kids were all within a month or two of each other but were eating the same kids of things.  I also roped in a mommy friend who I knew liked to cook as well and also had two little kids.

Keeping it small:  I had visions in the beginning when I put up my post of having ten people.  However, I only got three takers -- which turned out to be very lucky.  Cooking enough for four babies at the same time takes a pretty big pot.  I can't imagine how much we would have to make to share a recipe among ten babies!

Setting basic ground rules: As I mentioned, I fed my son all organic.  This time around I am a lot more relaxed.  Organic is important to me but it's currently behind locally grown and not crazy expensive.  I tried to find moms that felt the same as I did.  I also made sure to check on allergies.  So far, neither of my kids have had any reaction to foods.  I certainly did want to cause any problems for any of the other babies in our little group.

Setting a general exchange schedule: After our first meet up, my group thought we could do an exchange every two weeks.  We quickly learned that we could actually stretch it to three weeks with the quantities we were exchanging.  The exchange definitely fills my freezer to capacity (and sometimes even squeezes out the ice cream!) but the trade off for having all the great food is worth it to me.

Finally, I just want to say to all the skeptics out there that baby food making is pretty easy.  You don't have to be a fabulous chef to make baby food.  Just aim for mushy, and your baby will be very happy!

So why did I start my own baby food making coop when it comes in handy little jars at the grocery store? 

Reason #1: Big Money Saver!
In the current economy, a little Midwestern thriftiness can go a long ways!  Just like eating at home has saved us a ton of money, making most of my own food has made a big difference in our grocery budget.  Today, I made a butternut squash + lentils + potatoes + carrotts + leeks puree.  If I buy the ingredients from Fresh Direct (definitely not the cheapest place to buy groceries!), it comes out to about $.40 per 4 oz serving.  Earth's Best 4 oz jars are $.79 at Fresh Direct - and this is about a million times better since I know what goes into every bite.

Reason #2: Big Time Saver!
For my part of the food exchange, I  put in about 1.5 hrs of time in cooking, pureeing and freezing my two recipes.  After our swap, I will have eight different things which should last me about three weeks if Maddy eats the food at every single meal.  All I have to do at each meal is pull out two or so purees and she's got a healthy meal that only takes me a minute or so to defrost in the microwave.

Reason #3: A Wide Variety of Textures & Tastes!
This may not be super important to everyone, but I really want my kids to like food.  I love to eat.  It's a highlight for me every day.  Just like I want to develop their love of music or the outdoors, I want my kids to enjoy eating.  It's really a simple pleasure that can last your whole life!  I think developing a taste for different foods and textures early on can at least help combat some of the toddler pickiness that comes later.

As with making any co-op work, we definitely learned a few lessons along the way.  Some things that were key for us: 

Finding other parents with kids at similar eating stages: I started my son on solid foods at four months on the recommendation of our pediatrician to try to help with his reflux.  We started my daughter at five months because she was grabbing food off our plates and stuffing it into her mouth.  Generally, babies start eating between four to six months and progress through trying new foods and textures until they are full weaned onto solids.  Through an email on our local parenting board, I found three other moms whose kids were all within a month or two of each other but were eating the same kids of things.  I also roped in a mommy friend who I knew liked to cook as well and also had two little kids.

Keeping it small:  I had visions in the beginning when I put up my post of having ten people.  However, I only got three takers -- which turned out to be very lucky.  Cooking enough for four babies at the same time takes a pretty big pot.  I can't imagine how much we would have to make to share a recipe among ten babies!

Setting basic ground rules: As I mentioned, I fed my son all organic.  This time around I am a lot more relaxed.  Organic is important to me but it's currently behind locally grown and not crazy expensive.  I tried to find moms that felt the same as I did.  I also made sure to check on allergies.  So far, neither of my kids have had any reaction to foods.  I certainly did want to cause any problems for any of the other babies in our little group.

Setting a general exchange schedule: After our first meet up, my group thought we could do an exchange every two weeks.  We quickly learned that we could actually stretch it to three weeks with the quantities we were exchanging.  The exchange definitely fills my freezer to capacity (and sometimes even squeezes out the ice cream!) but the trade off for having all the great food is worth it to me.

Finally, I just want to say to all the skeptics out there that baby food making is pretty easy.  You don't have to be a fabulous chef to make baby food.  Just aim for mushy, and your baby will be very happy!

The Big Boy Bed

I’d just climbed into bed after another exhausting day with my two kids when suddenly I heard something. 

THUMP!

My first thought was that our super loud upstairs neighbors had dropped something heavy on the floor, like a cruise ship anchor. “Damn them if they wake up the kids,” I thought to myself. Then I hear Jack crying through his monitor. I could not believe that they’d woken him up. It was his first night in a big boy bed and things seemed to be going so well. I ran into his room to get him back to sleep. Strangely, he wasn’t in his bed. He was crying on the floor. It turns out it wasn’t the upstairs neighbors who’d made that loud sound. It was Jack, and it was the sound of him hitting the floor. He’d fallen out of bed.

The move from a crib to a big boy bed has been a challenge for all involved. I figured that there would be an adjustment period for Jack, since all he’s known up until this point was his crib, but I didn’t realize how much of an adjustment it would be for me and my husband.  Our bedtime ritual had become so easy that I rarely thought of it as a challenge anymore -- Bath, read books, sing songs, goodnight. It had been that easy. For some reason adding the big boy bed into the picture made everything different. It was like inventing the wheel all over again. Where would we read books? Where would we sing songs? How would we put him into bed? What was going to stop him from getting up?

The night after he fell out of bed he was definitely a little more apprehensive about his new bed. The stalling tactics reached an all time high. “I need water,” he’d say. “I need to go to pee,” he’d say. “I need one more hug,” he’d say. I need to poop,” he’d say. “I need more water,” he’d say. “I need to poop again,” he’d say (even though he had not pooped before). It was a nightmare. We live in a duplex, and there is no bathroom on the second floor where the bedrooms are, so the running up and down the stairs to the bathroom so Jack could sit on the toilet and twiddle his thumbs was a real pain. Finally, we got him to sleep, but these stalling tactics continued for the next two nights.

Finally we came up with the plan that we’d put his Baby Bjorn Potty in his room, and if he needed to use it before bedtime, we’d just put him on the potty and leave the room. “Let us know when you’re finished,” we’d say, and then we’d go downstairs and listen to the monitor. This worked out splendidly, and after two nights, Jack had gotten bored sitting by himself in his bedroom going to the potty that he now goes to sleep in his big boy bed without issue. And it’s only been a week and a half. Better yet, he hasn’t fallen off his bed since that first night. Yeah!

UPDATE: He fell off his bed last night…twice. Sigh…better get the bedrails on the bed. STAT!

The move from a crib to a big boy bed has been a challenge for all involved. I figured that there would be an adjustment period for Jack, since all he’s known up until this point was his crib, but I didn’t realize how much of an adjustment it would be for me and my husband.  Our bedtime ritual had become so easy that I rarely thought of it as a challenge anymore -- Bath, read books, sing songs, goodnight. It had been that easy. For some reason adding the big boy bed into the picture made everything different. It was like inventing the wheel all over again. Where would we read books? Where would we sing songs? How would we put him into bed? What was going to stop him from getting up?

The night after he fell out of bed he was definitely a little more apprehensive about his new bed. The stalling tactics reached an all time high. “I need water,” he’d say. “I need to go to pee,” he’d say. “I need one more hug,” he’d say. I need to poop,” he’d say. “I need more water,” he’d say. “I need to poop again,” he’d say (even though he had not pooped before). It was a nightmare. We live in a duplex, and there is no bathroom on the second floor where the bedrooms are, so the running up and down the stairs to the bathroom so Jack could sit on the toilet and twiddle his thumbs was a real pain. Finally, we got him to sleep, but these stalling tactics continued for the next two nights.

Finally we came up with the plan that we’d put his Baby Bjorn Potty in his room, and if he needed to use it before bedtime, we’d just put him on the potty and leave the room. “Let us know when you’re finished,” we’d say, and then we’d go downstairs and listen to the monitor. This worked out splendidly, and after two nights, Jack had gotten bored sitting by himself in his bedroom going to the potty that he now goes to sleep in his big boy bed without issue. And it’s only been a week and a half. Better yet, he hasn’t fallen off his bed since that first night. Yeah!

UPDATE: He fell off his bed last night…twice. Sigh…better get the bedrails on the bed. STAT!